Why did I cancel my hi5 account?
16 October 2009Q: "Why are you cancelling your account?"
A: "This site is useless to me, really. Let’s admit it, if a guy has a hi5 account it’s because he wants to have sex with some/any chick (which is usually what guys want anyway) – this is true in 99% of the cases. But, on the other side of the coin, only about 1% (if that) of the chicks have a hi5 account because they want to screw some/any guy, the rest are there just for the photo parade and because people they know (a.k.a. "friends", I’ll get back to this) are here – and this trend spreads like a viral disease.
So, statistically, you’re not getting laid with a moderately good looking girl using this account unless you look great (which I do, heh… but that’s not the point) and you are really lucky. "Lottery winner"-lucky. And if you look great you don’t really need this site unless your social skills are lacking, in which case, even if you somehow managed to get a date (unlikely, given the 1%), you would probably scare her off or you wouldn’t know what to do with her.
Anyway, for the last few years I’ve been having a relationship with a great girl but I’ve had this hi5 account for way longer and I really haven’t used it for what it’s designed (stalking/chasing chicks) – at first I didn’t know how to do that, and when I did know how I didn’t need it anymore. And all this time my email inbox was injected on a regular basis with "let’s be friends"/"add me to your friend list". Requests from guys…
you get the picture.
But worry not! I will not be switching to other (just as useless) "social networks" such as Twitter, Facebook or Crapix.
First of all, we have established that they don’t help you get laid unless you’re a girl, in which case the odds increase dramatically – and if you post a message moderately alluring such as "me looking for nice sensitive guy" the number of offers per second will increase exponentially.
Second – if you want to keep in touch with friends there are much better and easier ways of doing this – they are called "telephone", "email", "blog", "instant messaging" and last but no least "hanging out". Now really, is anyone naive enough to think that you can actually make or keep real friends using just social networks? Come on… A friend is there to be exploited and get exploited by you – keep each other company, ask for stupid favors, help and be helped; a friend is someone to rely on when need be. How many friends have you made online? A million? That doesn’t count, you can’t even remember the country they live in – you have to look them up to remember their real name. That’s not a friend, that’s an asset in a popularity contest.
There were other things that I wanted to say but the main point is I really can’t see any reason whatsoever for a guy to have a hi5 account.
So there you go
0wned."
Q: "What could we have done differently that would have kept you from canceling?"
A: "Shut down."
I hope I wasn’t too hard on them.